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The Quest for Happiness – 07

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By Dr. Pier Albrecht

After a couple has lived together for some time (from 18 to 36 months), the passion starts wearing off gradually. Shortly afterwards, they become comfortably accustomed to one another or the relationship becomes a heavy burden to both and, then, one of them drifts apart and opens up their heart and mind to a new adventure, trying to feel free and independent again. Although the other person may not be satisfied, he or she will often try to continue the relationship because he or she thinks that it will be impossible to find someone better or for fear of being alone. This is what happened in most of the cases I have come across. One gave up on the relationship before the other. However, after some time, both of them felt happier and more liberated. They acknowledge that the relationship was like being in jail -a sometimes nice prison, but a prison after all.

Therefore, some couples stay married almost all their lives, but they have to overcome crises to that effect. This is not the general case and there may be a secret to their success. Sometimes it is a moral or religious point of view, according to which one has to devote oneself to a single person in order to be happy or to give happiness. This sounds nice, ideal, something out of a fairy tale, and with some advantages to it. You are sharing your whole life with someone who will always be at your side, to support you and give you tenderness. In my opinion, this is not better or worse than the other solution. But only a few individuals can make it.

I have a different point of view in this regard. For me, human life is a developmental experience, an opportunity to learn from each other. When I was a kid, I always wanted my friends and I to share our experiences in order for us to gain a better understanding of life and to live a happier life. The same holds true for a couple. In my opinion, it is all about sharing experiences and helping each other. The personality and wisdom of our loved one should help us improve our awareness of life. Loving your partner is nothing but wishing that they find the greatest peace and happiness possible.

But in order to carry this relationship in happiness, both individuals need to clearly know that there is no use in making it last longer than necessary. I don’t see the point in going beyond all means to try to extend the good times. When you have given all you can give and taken all you can take, sometimes you have to be strong enough to acknowledge that it is time to move on to the next phase in your life. Both need to adopt a positive attitude about it, knowing for sure that it is not only the happy experiences but also the painful ones that teach us lessons in life. Your life is not over when a relationship comes to an end. Sometimes you may think: “I will never find someone like him or her, I will never fall in love again, and so on…” You need to ask yourself how many times you have said one of these phrases, how many boyfriends or girlfriends you have had after a painful break up. We should always remember the saying: “that which does not kill you makes you stronger.”

But I also believe that there is a certain person with whom we will share the last years of our lives. This may be the “love of our lives”, since it is the most mature and tolerant one.

Broken Heart

There’s a saying that goes: “You can’t really love unless you’ve been brokenhearted.” This is a profound truth, since our heart is like a nut, it is full of love and generally protected by a shell. The only way of letting it out is by breaking the shell. Unfortunately, most of the times, it is through suffering that the shell breaks open. It is hard to admit it but I know it’s true. We would all love to live our lives with no suffering, just full of pleasure and beautiful moments. We all try to avoid bad experiences and suffering. We hide, we ran away from any potentially painful obstacle we may find in our way.

It is a pity, because pain makes us better and stronger. I’m not saying that we should pursue a life of hardship and pain, but rather that we should not try to avoid it, since we would be missing the opportunity to break open the outer shell of our hearts that keeps our love locked in it.

There are different degrees of suffering, some more tolerable than others. A broken heart can sometimes kill you. The loss of loved ones, such as children, is a type of pain that is nearly impossible to overcome, and which will stay in our hearts forever. Studies were made not only of the loss of a relative, but also of emotional stress in general, with very interesting results.

Dr. Llan Wittstein, a cardiologist of the John Hopkins School of Medicine in Baltimore, United States, directed a research team who studied 19 patients admitted to hospital with a left ventricular dysfunction after sudden emotional stress. All patients had a coronarography and repeat ECGs performed. Five of them underwent endomyocardial biopsy. Plasma catecholamine levels of 13 patients with myocardial dysfunction were compared with those in seven patients with Killip class III myocardial infarction. All the patients studied were women except for one, with a median age of 63, that is to say, postmenopausal women. According to Wittstein, the symptoms included chest pain, pulmonary edema, and cardiogenic shock, and had they not been treated, some of the patients would have died. In many cases, the patients had just been informed of the death of a relative.

A woman had been held at gunpoint during a bank robbery. Another one had experienced a great fright when 70 people shouted “surprise” at her during a party held in her honor. Unlike the other patients who suffered from real heart diseases, these patients were discharged after 2 or 3 days with their hearts in perfect condition.

Wittstein and Coll believes that stress following a great emotional shock may, depending on the family history, cause an exaggerated increase of some neurochemical components produced by the body, such as adrenaline and noradrenaline, which will reach the heart and sometimes kill you.

With the exception of these extreme cases, most of us survive emotional shocks. But they do affect us deeply and transform us every time they take place. In my opinion, every heart ache allows us to love better and become more compassionate.

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Editorial: Dr. Pier Albrecht, Dr. Pierre Albrecht, Dr. Pierjean Albrecht,

Dr. Pier Jean Albrecht, Dr. Pierre F. Albrecht, Dr. Pierre Frank Albrecht,

Dr. P. Frank Albrecht, Dr. Pierjean Frank Albrecht, Marbella Clinic

The Quest for happiness – 03

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By Dr. Pier Albrecht

In our last issue we talked about the concept s of happiness, joy and inner welfare. We started to raise the issue of how the quest for happiness evolved along man´s history. In this chapter we deal with the vision of some philosopher s and how different civilizations give happiness a different meaning.

The Asian Era .

As the modern man does, ancient civilizations almost certainly attempted to find happiness. In India, China and Japan, the ancient world of the Orient defined a series of principles related to spirituality – not to find happiness – but rather to evolve, improve and attain a state of serenity. The basis for this search was not materialist. It was centred on strict rules and techniques, the purpose of which was to maintain the body healthy and the mind concentrated on spiritual matters.

In India

For many centuries, the greater part of India lived with the belief in reincarnation: the journey of the soul through time, bodies and lives, with the objective of becoming more perfect and evolving towards liberation from this cycle of earthly life, based on suffering. Due to this, they felt it was unnecessary to change the social organization of the castes as, according to them, the soul is born where it has to be born in order to be able to continue its journey. Throughout the course of a man’s life, he should not struggle to change his caste, but to live the best way possible, so that in the next life he may be born again, in a higher caste. For this reason, in India, as in other ancient societies, earthly life was not aimed at increasing material happiness, but towards a better spiritual life and future reincarnations.

The Era of the Egyptians

The Egyptians, like the majority of Asian civilizations, led a material life aimed at a spiritual life. Their life on earth was completely dedicated towards attaining eternal life. In this sense we could say they were not looking for earthly happiness in itself, as it was considered to be a phase that would lead us to eternal life, after death. Of course, as with all ancient societies, the problems of material or spiritual happiness were strictly for the elite, as the greater part of the population had to contend with problems of a more practical nature, like survival.

The Greek Era , after Socrates .

Socrates spoke of the philosophy of happiness and takes it to be a supreme asset. It is hardly surprising that this appears in Greece, in the 5th century before Christ. This philosophy tries to bring together the maximum happiness with the maximum virtue. In other words, a life full of pleasure, joy and satisfaction, together with a life that is just, wise and virtuous. Two visions of happiness are put into contrast : the mortal vision, through virtue (which is within reach of the common people) and the immortal vision, through meditation (within the reach of the scholars and the mystics).

The Happiness of Epicurus

Later on, Epicurus made the basic affirmation that man should “enjoy to the maximum and wish for the minimum”. His message has been altered since then and nowadays people make the mistake of using the word “Epicurian” to express the concept of having to enjoy everything to the maximum.

Quite the contrary, Epicurus teaches us that to be happy, we have to increase our pleasure and reduce the motives that are the source of that pleasure. That is to say, we should know how to distinguish between what will bring us happiness and what makes us search indefinitely for that happiness, which in the end becomes a source of dissatisfaction.

Epicurus continues by categorizing three types of desire : Desires that are natural, like eating, drinking, having clothes and roof over our head, friends and being able to philosophise, so that we can achieve a better understanding of ourselves, of other people and of life.

Desires that are natural but not necessary, such as sexual desire, desire for the aesthetic, good food, things that can be enjoyed, but taking care to not become dependent upon them. Desires that are unnatural and unnecessary, like the desire for glory, fame, riches and power. He considered these desires to be unlimitable, because we will never be able to achieve all of them and therefore, according to him, they will not be able to make us happy but, on the contrary, they only serve to complicate our lives.

Epicureanism is therefore the art of enjoying the simple things, like bread, water the beauty of nature, instead of indulging in excesses of food, alcohol or sex, which only creates a sensation of repugnanceand dissatisfaction. We could almost say it is a form of asceticism, but not as an end, only as a means.

After the birth of the religions known as “religions of the book”, such as Judaism, Christianity or Islam,the notion of religious happiness appeared, as could be enjoyed in the Garden of Eden after living a life ofvirtue, organized on a religious basis. In France especially, during the 18th century, the philosophers conceived a political organization of happiness, based on the art of life, of communicating, sharing, within the games of love and sex, food, etc. An ideal world where we would all be equal. But while the philosophers were launching their ideas, the aristocrats were enjoying themselves, taking advantage of the sweat and toil of the poor.

The revolution was the immediate consequence. This arose as an attempt to allow everyone a chance to enter this new world of happiness and equality. It has reached our times converted into sick democracies, due to the failure of the Communist and Socialist utopias. In effect, happiness has not always been an ideal in life for everyone. Sometimes Man has preferred to seek love or wisdom, as happens in India, Tibet, Japan or China. In the West we chase after success, money or beauty, whilst in the East they pursue serenity, peace or harmony. The paradox of our era is that we are aware of and promote inner happiness, but at the same time we develop more and more consumer products that are mere playthings and tools for pleasure.

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Editorial: Dr. Pier Albrecht, Dr. Pierre Albrecht, Dr. Pierjean Albrecht,

Dr. Pier Jean Albrecht, Dr. Pierre F. Albrecht, Dr. Pierre Frank Albrecht,

Dr. P. Frank Albrecht, Dr. Pierjean Frank Albrecht, Marbella Clinic